Saturday, September 10, 2005

More from John of LS-MVPA

I should not have left this out:

We got talking with a CNN reporter called Chris Huntington who appeared not to be too much of a wanker. Although he was most definitely a city boy, there was a glimmer of intelligence in one eye. He soon realized that our truck could get him into the Forbidden Zone just a few miles West of his present position. He asked for a ride along so that he could see first hand the devastated residential neighborhoods that we described to him. We knew that aiding and abetting the enemy is a treasonable offence, however, if CNN could transmit more footage of serious carnage, the likelihood of more monetary donations to the Katrina victims would offset the distaste of actually having to shake a reporters hand. We agreed.

We locked both windshields in the full up position so that Chris could have an unobstructed 180 degree view with his mini-cam. We took him on a tour that he will remember his whole life. He was suitably sympathetic to the residents of Eagle Point, not one of who had escaped the carnage. Nothing shown on any television station had captured what we showed him. The deuce ride scared him to the point that he began to babble. He is a highly educated professional type, the type whose enunciation is great, his grammar perfect. Towards the end of his ride along, every second word began with an F and rhymed with duck. Looks like the scenery affected his speech abilities. Too bad. CNN probably is not going to air this one.
There was one incident with a couple of looters, however, I had decided before coming here that I was going to avoid looters except to protect my own property or well being. People who were stealing food, I did not even consider them to be criminals.
Once back at the CNN truck, Chris paid us with a Gatorade each and got back into his air-conditioned command post. Another reporter asked us if we had seen any dead bodies. Yeah, I told him, there are three in the back of our truck. He ran away salivating to find his camera crew. When he came back I told him that it turns out they weren't quite as dead as they appeared. They didn't want to be filmed and had gone for a swim. He threw a hissy-fit, however I was close to three times his size and armed. I could only laugh at the miserable bastard

He asked to see dead bodies. What is it with these people?

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