My Email to Starbucks...

on the occasion of their further slide into the pit.




"We are grieved to hear that Starbucks is incapable of detecting any difference between Holy Matrimony, "an Honorable estate, ordained by God", and mere mutual masturbation between consenting tongues, vaginas, penises and anal openings.  We, however, have always known that your bean coffee lived up to the name Charbucks, and always bought our beans elsewhere.  Henceforth, we will buy our regular Saturday cups of coffee at the same elsewhere.  Perhaps this fucking over of yourself is  just another kind of love? Please dispense with the "Starbucks is happy to hear from your, our customers are very  important to us, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."  You have made your choice to come down on the side of moral relativism, and as such, none of your flowery words mean anything."