The Prophecy of Saint La Tiempo

Several days ago in this homily, The German Popethe LA Times tried rolling this knotted copse of sticks down the trousered gangplank:

"On pressing social issues, this aggressive German cardinal is certain to continue and even strengthen the church's directives against birth control, a stance that contributes to the suffering of AIDS-ravaged Africa."

At least my mixed metaphor malaprop comes with pictures.

So Catholics in AIDS-ravaged Africa, disobey the Church's stance on pre-marital and extra-marital sex, become infected with the AIDS virus, yet dutifully obey the strictures on birth control? All the while awaiting liberation from the horrible condom ban, the cause of all suffering? Oh, if only the church would amend it views! The obedient-disobedients, disobedient-obedients, and all other ents will pull up their pants, crawl on their knees back up the gangplank, genuflect at the Relics of Saint La Tiempo, and clone-up the Catholic Church's ranks to full membership?

"Benedict XVI is known as an intellectual, a quick-witted man who is likely to take care of the administrative housekeeping that the late pope tended to overlook. He is used to working behind the scenes, serving as the pope's doctrinal enforcer. As such he has been a largely polarizing force in the church, coming down hard on Catholic leaders who sought social justice in Latin America or dissented from the Vatican in their teachings."

"But how will that play in front of the cameras..." How will what play in front of the cameras? "Twenty minutes after his installation as Benedict XVI, who some now call Benedict the Enforcer, others Pope Blitzkrieg, sent his loyal minions of the European Colonial Enterprise, what some call the Catholic Church, into streets worldwide armed with Bocce Bats, where,on camera, they publicly flogged the knees and knuckles of the innocent. Cameras that Pope John Paul II employed so masterfully to beam his message and his gentle presence now reveal the ugly truth of the new Regime. Their only sin? Disputing the Church's outdated view on the 'Divinity of Christ', what some call Christ's marital status, others moral absolutism. The world now knows why on Tuesday, as the bells tolled, the white-haired man newly clad in papal white shyly smiled. Pictures at 11."