Friday, April 22, 2005

John Forbes the Pious, or Wormtongue Speaks

Being a surreptitious copy of John Forbes the Pious' sermon, from Woden's Day last, smuggled to The Smoothing Plane in the collar of Cerebis. Hugh Hewitt has a later draft called Senator Laurel Speaks.

"Dark Forces beyond the bounds of Foggybottom now effortlessly draw the Republicans toward the realization of dreams campaigned upon devoutly, and, duly elected, while we, the Party of the lame and the lost, the wandering blind, the feckless and malignant, malingering without hope, bereft of all decency and senses, pander to the American people to take their stand, as in olden time, between the electorate and the outcome of the voting . Restore us to Governance, and reinstate to us the Raw Power we so earnestly deserve and desire so devoutly to be wished.. For who can tell me... which of these will say to us, that we lack the moral authority so often dispelled by our actions? Do we not pander, genuflect and show deep distress before the prophets of the dusty inkwells, and the electronic dance of the documents switchers? Ours is the true cause. Nothing can change that: neither logic, nor lost faith, tribulation or nakedness, nor rulers, nor yardsticks, nor tape measures, height, depth, nor anything else...not the impediments of statute or law dare separate us from the Love of Power. Jumping through fruit loops each day more vast, a reprehensible electorate needn't ask us which way to turn. We have to ask ourselves, whither now Petrus? And who's going to stop us? They have neither Quo, nor vadis. Are we really going to allow this to continue? Are the Republicans in the Senate to be allowed to continue to rule, while we, the true defenders of the Faith and arbiters of Democracy, take a back seat to everyone? Perish the damn spot incarnadine! Woof! Woof! It is an unwarranted error of America, Frankincense and Myrrh tarnishing our northeastern Star with doldrums and lassitude . Senator Frist's appeal to religion is Ungodly, and as a Catholic, I have the right to decide who gets to decide; the sham and splintery obfuscation of MY Faith is not at issue here. Who will put Partisanship over principle and cross that line with me? The line of the True Double-Cross, (juniperus Fondariven Jeffordis), splinters of which to this very hour, unto the latest generation, I carry in my thigh as a memorable honor, though abed with manhood accursed! I invoke faith! Faith! Faith! My Senatorship and the whole world for faith. Such abominations will not be found in the faithful Saint Reid, the worthy Squire Lieberman,
that Sallow & Perservering Haunch of Boxer, Sancho-Pancho Schumer, our beloved Pelosi the Bald, or Sanctus Theodorus, spiritus inebriatus. We are the True Kings! Not substandard extremist judges presiding duly or legally appointed at the bench. Is it not up to us to tell our colleagues and the assembled rabble of the populis civil is civilis what to believe? I will tell you what Ibelieve though. And another thing, not one of you can tell me what faithdemands, you who live it daily. I’ve read about it! The Books of the Struggles of Swift, Out of the River Journeys Perilous, and Return to the Past, part III; these are my True Confessions of Faith my Trinity. I will put the country in a position to tear itself apart commander and find those plans before I'll consent to give up a single widow's mite! What's the Sanctity of the law, and the Republic for which it stands to Hecuba, and Hecuba to me, No one with these priorities has a
right to have any faith whatsoever, and as long as I can intimidate anyone like this, and I will, so I can, so help me God! Rip off their heads and **** down their throats! Let us pray. "

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